For Loved Ones & Colleagues
You don't have to understand it to love her well.
(but here's how, anyway)
Warm, practical guidance for partners, family, friends, colleagues and line managers. Written by women with ADHD - for the people they love and work with.
Where do you fit?
Whichever way you love her, we've got you.
Partners & Family
She isn't disorganised. Her brain holds a hundred open tabs and most of them are about you.
Friends
She forgets birthdays and remembers the exact thing you cried about in 2014. Both are love.
Colleagues & Managers
She isn't difficult. The system is. Small changes - written briefs, async defaults, quiet space - unlock her best work.
Try this · not that
Small moves that actually help.
When she's overwhelmed
Try
- Ask: "what's the one thing?"
- Help her externalise - whiteboard, list, voice note.
- Take one thing off her plate without negotiating.
Avoid
- "Just calm down."
- Adding a new task. Even a small one.
- Problem-solving before she's finished talking.
When she's hyperfocused
Try
- Let her finish the wave - it's rare and precious.
- Bring her water and a snack.
- Quietly handle the thing she forgot.
Avoid
- Interrupting to ask about dinner.
- Reading it as ignoring you.
- Punishing her later for the focus you asked for.
When she forgets
Try
- Assume good intent first.
- Move it from her memory to a system - shared calendar, recurring nudge.
- Repeat the ask without the sigh.
Avoid
- "You never listen."
- Bringing up the last five times.
- Making it a referendum on whether she loves you.
When she's quiet
Try
- Check in without an agenda.
- Offer a low-stakes activity side-by-side.
- Believe her when she says she just needs an hour.
Avoid
- Reading silence as conflict.
- Demanding she process out loud, now.
- Filling the space with your worry.
Read together
Start with these.
A short library curated for the people who love and work with ADHD women.
See the full library