For Loved Ones & Colleagues
You don't have to understand it to support them well.
(but here's how, anyway)
Warm, practical guidance for partners, family, friends, colleagues and line managers. Written by people with ADHD - for the people they love and work with.
Where do you fit?
Whichever way you show up, we've got you.
Partners & Family
They aren't disorganised. Their brain holds a hundred open tabs and most of them are about you.
Friends
They forget birthdays and remember the exact thing you cried about in 2014. Both are love.
Colleagues & Managers
They aren't difficult. The system is. Small changes - written briefs, async defaults, quiet space - unlock their best work.
Try this · not that
Small moves that actually help.
When they're overwhelmed
Try
- Ask: "what's the one thing?"
- Help them externalise - whiteboard, list, voice note.
- Take one thing off their plate without negotiating.
Avoid
- "Just calm down."
- Adding a new task. Even a small one.
- Problem-solving before they're finished talking.
When they're hyperfocused
Try
- Let them finish the wave - it's rare and precious.
- Bring them water and a snack.
- Quietly handle the thing they forgot.
Avoid
- Interrupting to ask about dinner.
- Reading it as ignoring you.
- Punishing them later for the focus you asked for.
When they forget
Try
- Assume good intent first.
- Move it from their memory to a system - shared calendar, recurring nudge.
- Repeat the ask without the sigh.
Avoid
- "You never listen."
- Bringing up the last five times.
- Making it a referendum on whether they love you.
When they're quiet
Try
- Check in without an agenda.
- Offer a low-stakes activity side-by-side.
- Believe them when they say they just need an hour.
Avoid
- Reading silence as conflict.
- Demanding they process out loud, now.
- Filling the space with your worry.
Read together
Start with these.
A short library curated for the people who love and work with people with ADHD.
See the full library